Its TIME to come clean

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Its been way to long since I've written. A lot of people have asked me where I have been and why I stopped writing. Well the truth is...I WAS LYING.

WHAT? What do you mean?

I was lying to myself. I was not loving life in the plus lane.  I was miserable. I was trying to convince myself that I was OK where I was in life and what I looked like. It couldn't have been any farther from the truth.  I am going to fill you in on where life has taken me since March of 2012. Keep reading I promise its filled with honesty and love.

In March of 2012 I knew I needed change and I knew my family deserved the best from me.  I started following the South Beach diet March 21, 2012. To much criticism I stayed on phase 1 of the diet for many months. At a year I was down 90 lbs.

I had bouts of exercise but nothing significant until February of this year. For me getting my emotional eating under control was my biggest challenge gaining a will power that I never had before was my goal then I slowly saw a decrease in my weight loss.  My hubs and I came back from an anniversary cruise and I was determined to lose the rest of this weight someway somehow so I went on a 30 day rehab. I began to follow the program Whole30  on Feb 1st, which was incredibly hard but it was so worth it. Fast forward a minute that's where I am today. I eat clean, low carb and I count macros but that's a whole other blog in itself.

During that I realized how much my body really wanted me to move so I started the couch to 5k program after deciding late one night in March   I was  going to be able to run a 5k on my 31st birthday which was in September . I signed up for The Color Run in NYC which happen to fall exactly on my birthday, so I joined the YMCA and started running...excuse me gasping for air at 60 seconds and crying till the end. The first week was absolute hell. My knees, my feet, my back were dying and I was only running at 60 second intervals. All I kept thinking was I ever going to be fit? Have I let myself go too far past ever being athletic? I kept going and I made it to week 4. I was running!!! I took two weeks off during a vacation and totally regretted not continuing so I started it right back up with a friend and we were off like turtles in a river of peanut butter but we were moving!!! I  added spin class and was feeling more endurance each day. It still wasn't enough.

Til the the best thing happened to me!!! One day in April while treating myself to a day at the salon...Kellie Palmer walked into my life. Who is she? At the time she was just a super fit Mom who let me hold her beautiful baby girl while she was getting her haircut, we started talking and she revealed that she was a personal trainer at a cross-fit box down the road LenCo Fitness. In my head I was like OMG she was sent to me. (I had been contemplating a personal trainer for many months but felt very uncomfortable at my YMCA just running never mind with a trainer). I took her number and we met a couple of days later. Instantly I knew she was for me. We clicked and she has been kicking my butt since. I gained a level of strength and confidence I never knew I had in me and it was all from her dedication and my hard work. She truly is amazing at her craft and by that her meticulous devilish planning of training. She loves what she does and it reflects on her clients cause I seriously love working hard and that's something she developed in me.

I then went and signed up for my second 5k (before even completing my 1st) but this time I chose something WAY out of my comfort zone. I chose the Warrior Dash. Excuse me muddy what? Yeah that's right. Princess over here decided she wanted to do an obstacle course in mud while running. WHO HAVE I BECOME?? Well we trained and we trained hard and from that I did it. I FINISHED BOTH. It was the most accomplishing feeling ever. I definitely cried for a couple days after.

So then I needed more. What else could I challenge myself to? Well that was quickly answered one late night on Facebook when Krystle from Skinny Jeans Dreams posted is anyone up for a 10 week challenge...OHHHH pick me pick me I screamed at my computer. So there I was signing up for another challenge to keep me motivated. What was the challenge? It is T25 with the crazy fit guy Shaun T from Insanity...YEAH HIM...10 weeks of 25 minutes a day of high interval training, no breaks, no stopping just complete focus on your workouts. With that part of the challenge is to drink Shakeology once a day. What is it? Its a complete meal replacement. Probably the healthiest meal you will ever consume. Its not a protein drink but a completely fruit, veggie, antioxidant, vitamin loaded drink that can replace a meal or be used as a pre or post workout drink, I can't say enough about this stuff its truly amazing. Its filling, gives you energy, nice hair, nails...I could go on and on, if you want more information on it message me on my Facebook page and Ill be glad to help you out...Anyways I am 7 weeks into this challenge and I love every minute of it, its pushed me past my plateau and held me seriously accountable for my food intake. Getting thru 25 minutes a day is nothing when you've been on a path of struggle. I still workout 2xs a week with Kellie and by just adding in this program the amount of endurance I've gained is incredible. I truly feel like I can say I will become athletic. Who would have thought?

So that long story brings me to TODAY. I am a healthier 118 lbs lighter but worlds stronger person. I have decided that I want to become a nutrition specialist to help and inspire those who are seeking. I want to live the rest of my life with this passion in me and no longer lie to myself or anyone else about who I really am. I still love clothes and I know at my frame of 5'10 I will always be considered plus size. I currently wear a solid 18. I am 52 lbs away from my Dr's goal and 70 from my own. I look back and wish I blogged this all along but I needed to find myself, but I am ready and nothing is going to hold me back anymore.

 So now I can truthfully say. I am LOVING LIFE IN THE PLUS LANE!!!

New Direction

Pin It So after finding out I won tickets to New Jersey Full Figured Fashion week in Atlantic City I was super excited but that quickly turned into “oh no I am not good enough to go to something like that” and “who are you trying to fool”? You shop at Lane Bryant, Target and Dots you are not cut out for a fashion week!! Wait…Wasn’t this the same girl who was writing just months ago about a new found self confidence and loving life in the PLUS lane??? WELL yes but again have I been caught up in the winter blues. These past months I fell into a serious funk even though I had promised myself I wouldn’t.

Days before leaving for NJFFFW I was contemplating on whether or not I should go. I packed at the very last minute (sooo not like me) and I stared at my closet thinking WTH am I going to wear. These women are going to be rocking some serious duds and blah screamed my closet. In my usual self I reached out to my friends and as with their encouraging words I began to pack. As each piece of clothing fell from the racks to my hands my gears were spinning. I ended up with a huge suitcase filled with clothes and no room for shoes!! I could feel my energy rising and started to look forward to the trip. The day came and I was so excited to pack up the car and hit the road. My dear friend Heather came along for the trip and she was just as excited as I.

After 7 long hours of driving we made it. We stepped off the elevator at Ballys Hotel and could feel the rush of excitement in the air. We headed up to register and took one wide eyed look and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

"HOLY blllleeeep" look at these women!!

Oh my Gawd did you see her?? She’s gorgeous!!

I then looked down at my yoga pants and sweatshirt and immediately turned around and booked it to the room. I could not be seen looking like this.

After settling into the hotel room our luggage arrived. The bellman joked and asked “Staying a week??” I shamefully admitted to the two short nights. He laughed saying its not the worse he has seen.

As we unpacked our 7 bags total of clothing, shoes, and makeup and accessories. I realized this is exactly where I am supposed to be. Like I could take a deep breathe for the first time that week.

I laid out my outfit A one sleeved multi animal print and ruffled blue dress with black leggings. The two strapless bras it takes to hold these suckers up and my jewels, I stared at my 8 pairs of shoes lined up on the floor and pondered heels or not, usually I have a hard time wearing heels...Not because they hurt (well ok they do) but because everyone is so much shorter than me. I am 5'10 and all my friends I swear are 5'3 and under. So I always feel like the amazon woman walking around towering over them and leaning down to hear what they are saying. Heather the tiniest of them all said You are wearing heels and that’s that. So we got dressed did our hair and makeup and took off. As we walked down the halls of the hotel I stopped at each mirror scrutinizing every inch of myself. I was feeling uneasy as if I was too tall, too big, too round. Too everything lets turn around and go back I kept thinking. Then I remember what I saw when we first got there and I knew this was what I needed.

We entered the ballroom where the first fashion show was and I felt at home. I didn’t tug or pull at my clothing once. I walked with pride because everyone there was doing the same. There was no looks of OMG a big girl...It was more like DAMN I love your dress or where did you get those heels?!

There were so many women who were the same height if not taller than me and that was incredible. There were women bigger, smaller than me and I felt just right. I couldn’t express my words at that time of how I felt so my tears did it. I was so overwhelmed at the feeling of completeness. I sat in the audience and watched these curvy full women strut their stuff down that long runway in the most amazing clothes from some of my favorite designers Igigi, Monif C, Marc Jacobs, Eliza Parker, Seven for Lane Bryant and many more.

I could feel the love in the air and the pride of being a woman it ran through my body and out the goose bumps covering my skin. It was an incredible beginning to an amazing weekend that has changed my life. It was like my wings began to grow and I knew exactly where I wanted to fly, a feeling I have never found before. This was a new beginning to a new life, my life. Since that day I have walked a little taller (thank you heels) smiled a little brighter and I have got to say it feels amazing.

This is a must see!!

Pin It OK ladies, This has to be one of the most inspiring post I have ever come across. Ms Jessica Kane has done it again!! She has gone where I have wanted to go for so long but haven't found a photographer or even the courage to do so.

Please check out her amazing blog.

Her boudoir photos are real. A real woman with real curves who is not ashamed to show them off. We are so conditioned to believe real isn't beautiful but look at her pictures and tell me she isn't GORGEOUS!! It hits so deep for me because we are the same size she is a size 26, with DD breast and the curves as I. I am going to challenge myself to do the same. I need to get an amazing photographer who is comfortable shooting the plus size skin and has the talent to go with.

Thank you Jessica for being so AMAZINGLY honest and real.

Much Love to all my readers. I hope your day is filled with beauty and love. May your Valentines shower you with kisses and treats!!!

Its been too long

Pin It When I first started writing I was feeling so liberated. I held my head higher. It was amazing. Then I got distracted.

The holidays came and went, my schedule changed at work, we lost a close family friend and then my daughter just yesterday had surgery. Which that in itself through me over the edge of worry for weeks before. Seeing my baby laying in the OR with her life in someone else hands, no longer in my control. Letting her go and walking away not knowing what they were doing. I had to trust they would take care of her. I knew she would be fine, a small surgery but she  had never been under general anesthesia before and well I am a mom and I do what all Moms do...Worry.

During the operation my husband and I sat quietly in the waiting room. He began to drift into a nap and I stared at the patient screen checking to see any updates on her progress. I had to distract myself from worry so I pulled out my phone and began reading my old blogs. Resolutions hit me. I realize I have been slipping back into my old routine. I am not taking time for myself whether its a long walk or quiet time writing. I need to find that focus again. I have been keeping a confident mind. I still feel good about myself. I still dress the part. I am forever scrounging through my clothes to find a new outfit and watching the sales racks to put a new look together. I just have been putting a hold on taking a deep breath and relaxing for me.

So this weekend I am going to take advantage of the girls going off to basketball and sit and read a book. Perhaps I will catch up on the three months of cosmo sitting wrapped in plastic on my dresser. I will make myself a hot cup of tea and enjoy it. I deserve it. I am sure you deserve it as well!! Join me in taking an hour and doing what relaxes you.

I am putting it out there I will be posting more, taking more picts and enjoying my own time!! I hope all of you are keeping to your resolutions and if not remember its never to late to start back up!!

Much love!!!

Lauren

Inheritance

Pin It Growing up I can remember longing for the day to be old enough to wear my Mothers clothes.

I would stand for hours in front of her dresser going through her jewelry boxes, draws, closets, racks and racks of shoes. I would try on everything, mix and match outfits for her and throw together my best Cyndi Lauper look.

Meanwhile...She always looked like she was straight out of Cosmo. Perfect slim leg fitted jeans paired with an elongated leather belt adorned with an oversized brass buckle that she so perfectly looped, a blazer with fitted darting in just the right places, accompanying an over sized white collard blouse pleated to a dream. For the next outing she would switch the blazer and jeans out for leggings while taking the same belt, placing it over the blouse letting it loosely hang on her size 4 hips. I took careful inventory of her things. I knew just about every piece of her wardrobe (after all it was going to be mine someday).

This was during the 80's and like most young families we were sruggling. So what did she do to find such style on NO budget? She would thumb through Cosmo and other popular magazines, cut out the pictures and sew them herself!! Seriously amazing what she could do with a sewing machine and an idea. Starting off with just a mere photo she would create her own patterns, hide in her sewing room and come out with looking like it was born for the runways of Milan.

Enamored by her sense of creativity, and taste for fashion, I dreamed of being such when I as "OLD" as her. Now here I am the same age, although not able to fit in her vintage; I am seeing where my passion lies. Fashion.

For christmas a dear friend of mine, sent me a package. In the package was a thick sketchbook and colored pencils. No note, no letter, just a small card with simple writing. To the Richmond's. Love, Kris. My girls asked if it was for them, no I said its for me. What are you going to do with it they laughed. I said exactly what Kris wants me to do...Follow my dreams.

In this book kept near my bed atop a shelf, is the neatly aligned 36 pigmented pencils, crisp pages slowly being filled and the Christmas card from a woman who puts its into perspective its as easy as a piece of paper and a dream. I am now doing as my mother does bringing shapes into forms and forms into designs. While these designs may never hit the runway, I hope they make it to my mothers needles. I can hear the spinning of her machine wheel and smell the fresh cut threads, I picture the tiny hands finishing the buttons and the smile of anticipation as the fabric graces my skin. I hope to soon share with you these things but for now, I write and color.

As always Much Love,

Lauren

SO FRUSTRATED!!!!

Pin It So FRUSTRATED....


That was the text I received yesterday...Two words felt most when shopping.

"How glorious it would be if we were not plus sized and were able to walk into any store and they only problem was...What color?" She said

She is soooo right!!!!!

Close your eyes, envision your local mall. Now tell me how many plus size stores there are. For me NONE!! Now think of how many retailers offer their line to sizes 16+ I can think of three. Sears, Macy's and JcPenney all with less than 10 racks of clothes that are less than appealing. I mean if large shapeless knitted garments are your thing well YAY for you but 99.99 percent of plus size woman want what everyone else is getting. Great fitting, stylish clothes that don't cost an arm and a leg.

Why have retailers missed this mark?

No wonder we walk around feeling shitty about ourselves. We can't find anything to wear!! How much better would you feel about yourself if you could walk into the Gap at a size 22 and purchase the same cute trendy sweater the girl who a size 6 is wearing?? Probably amazing.

Don't get me wrong I love the stores that I am able to go to. Lane Bryant, Avenue, Torrid. But really thats all I got? Come on world wake up!!! I don't want to hide myself I want to embrace it. I want to do more than peruse online companies to chance that something might fit right and have to deal with the return process. I want to walk out from the mall with more than bags from Yankee candle and damn accessories from Charlotte Rouse.

Ok I maybe reaching here but if you are going to listen to what us plus size ladies want, do us a favor use actual plus size measurements. Take into consideration, hips, thighs, butts. Realize that not every size 18 waist has the same size legs or rear. Customize your clothes to the real woman.

Am I alone here?? I want your feedback. I want to know what you need from manufacturers, what you want to see designed, what you feel you are missing out on. Together perhaps, one voice at a time we can be that change we want to see!!!

I look forward to hearing from you!!

Much love,

Lauren

Come join my Fan Page!!

Pin It After much support, I have added a fan page on Facebook.

Make sure to come on by and "Like" me.

Thanks for the love,

Lauren