New Direction

Pin It So after finding out I won tickets to New Jersey Full Figured Fashion week in Atlantic City I was super excited but that quickly turned into “oh no I am not good enough to go to something like that” and “who are you trying to fool”? You shop at Lane Bryant, Target and Dots you are not cut out for a fashion week!! Wait…Wasn’t this the same girl who was writing just months ago about a new found self confidence and loving life in the PLUS lane??? WELL yes but again have I been caught up in the winter blues. These past months I fell into a serious funk even though I had promised myself I wouldn’t.

Days before leaving for NJFFFW I was contemplating on whether or not I should go. I packed at the very last minute (sooo not like me) and I stared at my closet thinking WTH am I going to wear. These women are going to be rocking some serious duds and blah screamed my closet. In my usual self I reached out to my friends and as with their encouraging words I began to pack. As each piece of clothing fell from the racks to my hands my gears were spinning. I ended up with a huge suitcase filled with clothes and no room for shoes!! I could feel my energy rising and started to look forward to the trip. The day came and I was so excited to pack up the car and hit the road. My dear friend Heather came along for the trip and she was just as excited as I.

After 7 long hours of driving we made it. We stepped off the elevator at Ballys Hotel and could feel the rush of excitement in the air. We headed up to register and took one wide eyed look and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

"HOLY blllleeeep" look at these women!!

Oh my Gawd did you see her?? She’s gorgeous!!

I then looked down at my yoga pants and sweatshirt and immediately turned around and booked it to the room. I could not be seen looking like this.

After settling into the hotel room our luggage arrived. The bellman joked and asked “Staying a week??” I shamefully admitted to the two short nights. He laughed saying its not the worse he has seen.

As we unpacked our 7 bags total of clothing, shoes, and makeup and accessories. I realized this is exactly where I am supposed to be. Like I could take a deep breathe for the first time that week.

I laid out my outfit A one sleeved multi animal print and ruffled blue dress with black leggings. The two strapless bras it takes to hold these suckers up and my jewels, I stared at my 8 pairs of shoes lined up on the floor and pondered heels or not, usually I have a hard time wearing heels...Not because they hurt (well ok they do) but because everyone is so much shorter than me. I am 5'10 and all my friends I swear are 5'3 and under. So I always feel like the amazon woman walking around towering over them and leaning down to hear what they are saying. Heather the tiniest of them all said You are wearing heels and that’s that. So we got dressed did our hair and makeup and took off. As we walked down the halls of the hotel I stopped at each mirror scrutinizing every inch of myself. I was feeling uneasy as if I was too tall, too big, too round. Too everything lets turn around and go back I kept thinking. Then I remember what I saw when we first got there and I knew this was what I needed.

We entered the ballroom where the first fashion show was and I felt at home. I didn’t tug or pull at my clothing once. I walked with pride because everyone there was doing the same. There was no looks of OMG a big girl...It was more like DAMN I love your dress or where did you get those heels?!

There were so many women who were the same height if not taller than me and that was incredible. There were women bigger, smaller than me and I felt just right. I couldn’t express my words at that time of how I felt so my tears did it. I was so overwhelmed at the feeling of completeness. I sat in the audience and watched these curvy full women strut their stuff down that long runway in the most amazing clothes from some of my favorite designers Igigi, Monif C, Marc Jacobs, Eliza Parker, Seven for Lane Bryant and many more.

I could feel the love in the air and the pride of being a woman it ran through my body and out the goose bumps covering my skin. It was an incredible beginning to an amazing weekend that has changed my life. It was like my wings began to grow and I knew exactly where I wanted to fly, a feeling I have never found before. This was a new beginning to a new life, my life. Since that day I have walked a little taller (thank you heels) smiled a little brighter and I have got to say it feels amazing.